The key to online dating success: ditch Jesus?
OKCupid is a popular free alternative to expensive dating sites like Match.com and EHarmony.
The site uses mysterious algorithms to deduce percentages of “match” and “enemy” that users are in relation to one another. But the site’s stat bots have also been (anonymously and blindly) scanning the messages users send as a first contact to see which terms and phrases work to lure the opposite (or same) sex more efficiently.
In what is possibly a reflection on OKCupid’s more progressive user base, messages that use the word “atheist” received a 10% higher hit rate than the average first message. Mentioning one of the big three religions (Christianity, Judaism or Islam) raised response rates over the typical 32% only marginally, but if a user mentioned “God” in general, contactees were generally disinclined to reply.
Vague personal praise such as referring to someone as “beautiful,” “cutie,” or “sexy” also discouraged replies, while a targeted approach referencing interests gains more replies. Phrases such as “noticed that” or “you mention” sent reply rates up to 50%. And while men weren’t moved by self effacing women, women tended to reply to men who used words such as “sorry,” “apologize,” and “awkward.”
It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: men should be careful not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation: please is on the negative list (22% reply rate), and in fact it is the only word that is actually worse for you than its netspeak equivalent (pls, 23%)!
Even your opening greeting affects response rate, a boring old “hi” or “hello” doesn’t do much, but “how’s it going” or “what’s up?” had a bit more sway with potential mates. The number one turnoff? Just like when applying for a job, netspeak like “ur” or “wat” won’t open any doors. For your convenience, OKCupid has compiled the data into a handy list of what not to say when trying to get a date on the site.
