If you are in enough trouble on Thanksgiving with your turkey that you dial up the Butterball Hotline, the only thing that might make it worse would be Late Show host Stephen Colbert answering the phone instead of the usual folks who can get you out of a turkey jam or pickle. Colbert will be the first to tell you that if you are desperate enough to take his advice, your should probably order pizza instead.
Over the years, Butterball has put together a list of some of the funniest calls they have received from panicked cooks, according to the Inquisitr. Some of the most common questions are, do you have to have bought a Butterball to use the hotline? No, you don’t, but if you are only calling the folks at Butterball to “settle a bet,” then leave the line free for people with real poultry problems. But one of the hall of fame questions to Butterball came from a male caller, who wanted to know how to carve a turkey when all its bones have been broken. It seems the gentleman “jumped up and down” on his turkey to make it fit in the pan he had. It seems the Butterball folks advise that you either buy another turkey that fits your pan, buy a new pan or simply order a pizza as shards of white bone it the white meat would choke or cut an unsuspecting dinner guest,
— Redraw Keyboard (@redrawkey) November 23, 2016
But even though Stephen Colbert would be the first to admit that he likely cannot help you in the kitchen, he can make you laugh, says the Huffington Post. The Late Show host took over the Butterball Hotline, and he had one caller threaten to call the police, and another slapped her turkey at Colbert’s insistence.
RELATED REPORTS BY THE INQUISITR
“You’ll be fine as long as you don’t take any of my advice.”
It seems that part of agreeing to man the Butterball Hotline was as a result of last year’s goof when Colbert prank called the Butterball Hotline with a number of crazy questions. But if Stephen Colbert is the guy who answers you emergency Butterball Hotline call, please don’t ask him about the stuffing versus dressing debate. You could be on the phone for a while.
— LAT Entertainment (@latimesent) November 23, 2016
The Hollywood Reporter says that Stephen Colbert is bringing humor to the serious business of talking turkey. Colbert was able to chat about turkeys without laughing.
“Does it sound like a rock when you hit it with a spoon or does it sound like you’re spanking a lover?”
Some callers noticed immediately that something was up at the Butterball Hotline.
“Butterball hotline, let’s butter your balls!”
When a woman was appalled that Colbert was being cheeky, she threatened to call the police. In response, Colbert said he was going to alert the army.
— Episode Guide TV (@EpisodeGuideTV) November 23, 2016
Carol Miller of Butterball gave Stephen Colbert a bit of training before she allowed him to answer hotline calls. Colbert’s first caller wanted to know how long she should cook her turkey.
“I like it well done. How would you suggest I cook it?”
So Colbert advised the woman, giving it his best.
“A long time. Cook it a long time.”
Stephen Colbert just kept going, even challenging one caller into believing that she had called air traffic control rather than the Butterball hotline.
What is your favorite Thanksgiving recipe? Do you have any funny Thanksgiving cooking stories?
[Featured Image by Michael Nagle/Getty Images]