Father’s Day is Sunday and if you’re short on cash, why not crack Dad up by telling him a few funny jokes or by adding a silly quote or witty one-liner inside a free printable card, e-card, text message, or tweet.
Funny Father’s Day jokes and quotes can also be used on Facebook or Instagram to caption a humorous photo of Dad showing off his horrible dance moves, doing a belly flop in the pool, or another semi-embarrassing moment.
Find a collection of Dad’s Day jokes, quotes, and sayings below along with several resources for free printable greeting cards and Father’s Day e-cards that you can send via email or embed in a Facebook post.
There are several websites that offer touching Father’s Day quotes and poems, including Quote Garden and Brainy Quote. However, if you are sticking with the funny theme this year, here are some jokes and quotes that will appeal to Dad’s humorous side.
Father’s Day Jokes, Riddles and One-Liners
- Do fathers always snore? No – only when they are asleep!
- The world wants you to believe dad jokes are like vampires… because they’re such a pain in the neck!
- My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mom who tells him which pair to put on!
- What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father? One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
- In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and four-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
- Joe: What does your father do for a living? Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
- What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
- What do toys and boobs have in common? Both are made for children but it’s the fathers who play with them most.
- What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? Beats me. A POPsicle!
This is funny. Fathers day is right around the corner. Not new but still awesome!https://t.co/szPcO1zZYJ
— Moon (@moonks95) June 16, 2016
Funny Father’s Day Quotes
- “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” — Jon Stewart
- “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” — Rita Rudner
- “To be a successful father…there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.” – Ernest Hemingway
- “It is a wise child that knows his own father.” – Homer Simpson
- “I’m so ugly my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
If making a homemade card isn’t your thing, you can go semi-homemade with a printable Father’s Day card. Head over to Greetings Island or American Greetings where you will find several free printable greeting card designs that just require a color or laser jet printer and 8.5 x 11 paper.
No printer? Send a personalized Father’s Day e-card by email or post it on Facebook. JibJab has some of the funniest — and free — electronic greetings online. Add photos and a funny joke to e-cards including “Golfer Dad,” “Dad Rap,” and “Kung-Fu Dad.”
[Image via Shutterstock]