Strange Thief Breaks In, Cooks, Reclines, Licks Remote Control

Salisbury, MD – Ready for your strange crime news story for the day? This one doesn’t involve bath salts, I’m afraid. A Maryland man is accused of breaking into a home and doing all manner of strange things, giving law enforcement only two options: throw the guy into a cold shower or just plain arrest him.

Russell Neff, a 22-year-old man from Salisbury, broke into a residence that clearly didn’t belong to him, but that didn’t stop him from making himself right at home in the strangest of ways. He reportedly stripped down to his underwear and began to cook a chicken pot pie that belonged to the house’s owner. The homeowner was a bit squirrely anyway, running upstairs after Neff started beating on his front door around 10 pm, reports WBAL-TV.

Neff eventually made it inside, and the homeowner called 911. Authorities found Neff sitting in his underwear, watching TV, and licking the homeowners remote as a chicken pot pie cooked in the kitchen. We kid you not. It’s all here.

Now we have no idea if law enforcement authorities immediately burst into laughter at the scene or if they just rubbed their chins in confusion, but the report shows that they thought licking the remote was a particularly curious thing to do.

“We found the individual in question quite comfortable in the homeowner’s leather recliner, only in his underwear, licking on the remote control and waiting for a chicken pot pie he had found in the freezer to be done out of the microwave,” Lt. Tim Robinson of the Wicomico County Sheriff’s Office told WBOC-TV.

It is unknown at this time whether or not Neff can be charged with sexual assault of a remote control, but he was charged with malicious destruction of property, burglary, and theft of a chicken pot pie. His bail is set at $250,000, but let’s be honest, it’s the homeowner that’s paying the real price here.