Saudi Family Therapist Advises Muslim Men On ‘Correct Islamic Way’ To Discipline And Beat Their Wives [Video]

A Saudi family therapist, Khaled Al-Saqaby, released an instructional video earlier this year, in which he gave Muslim men advise on the “correct way in Islam” to “discipline their wives.” The family counselor recommended a three-stage course of action as the safest way in accordance with Islam for men wishing to impose effective discipline on unruly and disobedient wives.

The first step in Al-Saqaby’s three-stage action plan recommended for Muslim men with troublesome or rebellious wives is to speak to their wives and admonish them about obedience. But if the woman persists in disobedience, the man should then move on to the second-stage of the three-stage action plan by “forsaking his wife in bed.”

Al-Saqaby advises Muslim men to hit and beat their wives only as a last resort. The family therapist suggests “a tooth-cleaning twig or handkerchief” as the appropriate instruments for the purpose of wife-beating. But Muslim men must be careful not to use such physical violence as an opportunity to “vent anger,” but as way of correcting wifely disobedience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFGfiQBy69E

Before Al-Saqaby offered expert advice on how men should discipline their wives as Muslims, he admitted that the issue is a “thorny one,” but expressed optimism in divine guidance, saying, “Allah willing we will cross this bridge safely.”

“I am aware that this issue is a thorny one which contains many hazards. But Allah willing we will cross this bridge safely.”

“I believe the problem [of wifely indiscipline] arises when husbands do not understand how to deal with disobedience,” he lectured solemnly. “Some women disobey their husbands and make mistakes with them, and their husbands think this is due to inadequate treatment [of disobedience].”

According Al-Saqaby, Muslim men should avoid hitting their wives and abusing them physically. They should strive instead to adopt non-violent measures and adopt violence only as a last resort, when all non-violent measures fail.

In Al-Saqaby’s expert opinion, problems often arise in family life because modern-day women often “want to live a life of equality with their husbands,” a desire which often leads to “grave problems” in marriage and provokes Muslim men to the point that they feel like hitting and beating their wives.

Delving deeper into details of his recommended three-stage course for dealing with stiff-necked and disobedient wives, Al-Saqaby advises that men should speak with disobedient and troublesome wives and remind them of their husband’s rights under Islam.

“The first step is to remind her of your rights and of her duties according to Allah,” he says.

But if the woman continues to be disobedient then the second step is to “forsake her in bed.”

“Here some husbands make mistakes which might exacerbate the problem,” he warns.

He advises that men should not sleep in a different room or on the floor to punish their wives but to continue sharing a bed with their wives while taking care to mete out corrective punishment through turning their backs on their wives in bed.

According to the family expert, even women attest to the wisdom of the advice that men should not punish their wives by sleeping in a different room or on the floor, but to punish them by turning their backs in bed.

“A woman once told me, this [men turning their backs on their wives in bed] is the most ingenious way to discipline a wife,” the Islamic teacher says. “If the husband leaves the room it is easier for her than if he remains but turns his back to her or if he sleeps on the floor or vice versa.”

But if the “turn-back-on-wife” measure fails to yield desired disciplining results, a man may reach — albeit reluctantly — for the last resort, which is beating his wife to submission. But he advises, solemnly, that the husband should beat his wife not to “vent his anger,” but to correct disobedience.

The Islamic teacher emphasizes the point that it is best for a Muslim man to avoid beating or hitting his wife. But in the vexing situation where the woman seeks to live a “life of equality with her husband,” it may become necessary for the husband to assert his God-given authority by beating his wife.

But the approved tool for corporal punishment in marriage, according to Al-Saqaby, is a “tooth-cleaning twig” or a handkerchief. Although some media reports referred to a “tooth-cleaning twig” as a “toothpick,” the object that the Islamic teacher recommends for wife-beating is not a “toothpick” but short, sturdy twigs obtained from certain shrub and tree species that people in many non-Western countries use to clean their teeth and maintain excellent oral health.

Al-Saqaby warns husbands to be careful to ensure that their wives understand that the purpose of beating is to discipline, and not merely as an outlet for the man’s anger and frustration.

Good Muslim men should never use a rod, a headband, or a sharp object to discipline their wives. A tooth-cleaning twig is the best tool for wife-beating, according to Al-Saqaby.

“It should be done with something like the sewak tooth-cleaning twig or with a handkerchief, because the goal is to merely make the wife feel that she was wrong in the way she treated her husband.”

Al-Saqaby was at pains to explain that one of the major causes of disharmony in marriage which often leads to men having to beat their wives was women seeking equality with their husbands. Women seeking equality with their husbands present a grave challenge to matrimonial harmony. Some troublesome women actually provoke their husbands by hitting them and then daring their husbands to hit back, according to the family expert.

“I’m sad to say there are some women who say ‘Go ahead. If you are a real man, beat me.’ She provokes them.”

The family therapist concludes by assuring Muslim men that if they handle the “thorny” issue of wife discipline with wisdom based on his expert advice, their wives would understand that they were wrong to have caused offense.

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