Fredrik Eklund On Miscarriage: ‘The Lust For Life — Was Suddenly Gone’

Fredrik Eklund has been an integral part of Million Dollar Listing: New York since the show began years ago. Eklund was one of the original agents that started the show alongside Ryan Serhant. The two don’t always get along, but they do respect one another. In fact, for a brief moment, Fredrik asked Ryan’s future wife, Emilia, if she wanted to donate her eggs so they could start a family. While she turned down the idea, Fredrik eventually found someone who wanted to donate her eggs. While the guys were on a show hiatus, Eklund and his husband, Derek Kaplan, decided to get pregnant via a surrogate. Within months, they announced that they had suffered a miscarriage.

According to a new Bravo report, Fredrik Eklund is now sharing his thoughts about the miscarriage. As he revealed on Million Dollar Listing New York, Fredrik was completely devat when he learned of the news. Everything that he had dreamed about had fallen apart. And Eklund was completely shocked at how emotional a miscarriage really was.

“I guess the miscarriage in itself shouldn’t have been that surprising after all. I had heard how common it is, how people try again and again, and how difficult it can be. But, what really surprised me was how it hit me emotionally,” Fredrik Eklund explains in his blog for Bravo, sharing that it really changed his perspective on work, life and New York — a city he loves.

“It hit me so hard I couldn’t function. First, you get the phone call. Then, you freeze. You hear your heart beating in your ears. You lose balance. You sit down on a bed. Everything gets black. You call Derek. Then you cry together. You lose words, because words are empty and won’t do anything anyway. You want to scream. You get so angry. You think of them. You say their names. You think of where they went. You think of the life together that is lost. You open your eyes and they are not there,” Fredrik Eklund explains, sharing his emotional struggles to deal with the loss.

Eklund admits that he may have shared the news of the pregnancy a bit early. He knew that he had to wait until he reached 12 to 16 weeks, but he was too excited and just had to share the news with the world. The pregnancy quickly spread like wildfire, so it was extremely devastating to read that they had lost the twins.

“I can’t explain it, but it shut me down completely. The city I had worshipped for almost 13 years suddenly felt hostile. Everything lost its taste and smell. Work was fine, but it didn’t mean anything. The lust for life — that insatiable hunger for more and better and BIGGER — was suddenly gone,” Fredrik Eklund explains, sharing that he had a brief moment of devastation.

These days, Eklund and his husband Derek are trying to move on. It sounds like they haven’t given up on starting a family. Maybe they just needed some time to deal with the loss. According to Variety, Fredrik and Derek recently purchased a large home in Connecticut and they could be planning for a large family home. Maybe they are secretly trying for a second pair of twins these days without being too open about it. On Million Dollar Listing New York, Eklund admitted that he would have bought a large family home if he was still expecting to be a father six months ago. Maybe this Connecticut home is the beginning of a new chapter.

What do you think of Fredrik Eklund’s reaction to the miscarriage? Are you surprised that it affected him so much in various ways?

[Image via Instagram]