Huge frick-off shark washes up in Babylon

As we reported yesterday, a big-ass shark washed up unexpectedly on the beach in my hometown of Babylon, NY. At Gilgo! Holla!

Swimmers, surfers and presumably some douchey guidos were stunned by the appearance of the gigantic beast, but apparently there’s nothing to fear as it’s a “harmless shark.” I didn’t know sharks came in harmless, but whatevs. A local sharkologist was quoted on the non-scary creature:

“He’s a plankton feeder. You can see inside there’s no teeth inside his mouth,” said marine biologist Tracy Marcus. “He’s a relatively harmless kind of shark, but large.”

“It’s the second largest fish in the world, second to the whale shark,” Marcus said.

The shark was not long for this world as it came ashore- which is unusual, as ill and dying sharks apparently like to die in the water. Not soon after the shark washed up, it expired and shocked onlookers watched as it was cut up into pieces to be examined somewhere out in Riverhead. Ew.

Anyway, that’s my Saturday afternoon shot to pieces. Thanks, shark.

[Image, top: Newsday]