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Controversial Reddit Thread Tells The Rapist’s Side Of The Story

Posted: July 29, 2012
Controversial Reddit Thread Tells The Rapist’s Side Of The Story

reddit rape thread

Reddit is known as a bit male-centric, and in its darker incarnations (we’re looking at you, r/mensrights), a raging clusterfracas of unchecked misogyny — but a new thread on Reddit asked Redditors about sexual assault and “the other side of the story,” with males who have raped or considered raping someone relating their feelings and motivations.

The Reddit rape thread was first picked up by the blog Jezebel, which keeps a close eye on high-profile Reddit misogyny overall. In the past, the site has covered threads where young teens have been blamed for their own rapes, and given the relative anonymity, it’s easy to see how open misogyny that has proliferated on Reddit in the past can progress to the level it sometimes does.

The thread has been criticized as an example of rape apology, and of course, it at times certainly descends to that level. But being that rape, rape apology, and living in a society that has been criticized as still telling women not to get raped instead of telling men not to rape is an issue we all contend with every day, the thread seems an uncomfortable but essential read — after all, when was the last time you looked at rape from the rapists perspective? And how else can we teach boys how to conduct themselves sexually and the ins and outs of sexual consent without understanding what precipitates the behavior?

The now monster-sized thread kicked off with a simple question:

Reddit’s had a few threads about sexual assault victims, but are there any redditors from the other side of the story? What were your motivations? Do you regret it?

There are thousands of posts, and many stories of date rape, acquaintance rape and sexual assault, like one where a guy explains that at a party, he “took advantage” of a very, very drunk young woman. Years later, working as an insurance claims adjuster, he visits her home and the incident is, from his telling, terrifying for her:

“The look on her face told me that she did remember me, and that she remembered the incident, from all those years ago. In spite of the recognition, she asked to see my Company ID, as if my standing there with a clipboard was some ruse to gain entry into her house and re-victimize her further. But of course, I am indeed a certified claims adjustor, and my ID badge confirms it. So she invited me in. It was awkward and very uncomfortable for both of us. She was literally shaking. Was she as worried that I might rape her, right there in her own home, as I was that she might accuse me of being a rapist?”

Do you think it’s important to examine rape from all angles, or is the Reddit rape thread just an example of excusing rape and sexual assault?



Comments


5 Archived Responses to “ Controversial Reddit Thread Tells The Rapist’s Side Of The Story ”

  1. Brian Garner
    Jul 30, 2012

    This thread is FASCINATING. Of course, on the internet who can tell what's true and what's BS, but some of it is written in such a way that it may very well be a true story. But much of it is a totally alien look at something that you only ever see (unless you're evil – or I suppose, a therapist for rapists) from one side. Humans are so strange. And, I don't think it is a 'rape excuse thread' at all. I think it was started by someone who had a bold curiosity about something that, for someone who could never do such a thing, doesn't make any sense at all – it's simply inconceivable and your first thought is always "What the hell were they thinking?"

  2. Kim LaCapria
    Jul 30, 2012

    I agree- of course, the first way to prevent rape is not to rape. But it is always good to know what someone would think because it demystifies it- it takes a lot off the victim as well for people to see how easy it is to BE raped, which I think didn't come up enough.

  3. Brian Garner
    Jul 30, 2012

    I have been reading this thread for hours and need to go to bed but cannot stop myself. What is most disturbing is that I've found myself looking back at my own history wondering if anything I've done might have been construed as rape now, especially after some of the stories about these men who had an awkward experience and later heard that they had raped someone. I have mixed feelings about this, and I have never been with anyone who wasn't enthusiastic cause that's no fun, but it's still a very challenging series of confessionals. I keep going back and forth between thinking "Come on, that's obviously rape, how could there be any question?" and "How is that rape again?" I guess the image of the act in my mind has always been a bit more direct – guy says he wants to, girl says no, guy does it anyway (or visa versa); there you have a rape. But now I'm wondering how much intention actually plays into it, whether rape has to be a power thing or if it can be a matter of negligence as well? If two adults are drunk and get into this situation, might we still have to hold someone at fault if they just miss the change in signals once things starts? One guy tells a story about a girl who actually initiated the encounter, but then he realized she was obviously uncomfortable, so he stopped. If he was sober, maybe he would have caught on sooner, but if they were both drunk, judgement impaired, and did manage to stop things, where exactly should the line be drawn? And it's fascinating to read the confessionals of women who, perhaps only retrospectively, feel that they have raped men because that is not something I ever hear about. Now, I'm gay, so I don't end up in those situations, but I imagine in our society the lines must get even blurrier. I just don't even know – reading all of this makes me wonder just how many people have been in these situations, wanted it to stop, but for whatever reason not said so or done anything and even been confused themselves afterwards as to whether they were raped or not. I am asking the same question – if I was in an awkward sexual encounter like that, and for whatever reason at all didn't actually stop it even though i wanted it to stop, at what point do I have to conclude that I was raped? And can I come to that conclusion? And is the woman who just kept quiet rather than saying "stop" or "no" still raped if she changed her mind after it started? It's just such a quagmire of ethical, moral, and philosophical questions on the subject that it's no wonder these cases get so complicated.

  4. Allison Denmark
    Jul 30, 2012

    I didn't know you were a redditer. I love this website. Such interesting incite.

  5. Traverse Davies
    Jul 30, 2012

    Irony abounds: On the bottom right of my screen as I read this was a headline. "Audrina Partridge Wows in Teeny Bikini". Now, that has little to do with rape, but Misogyny? Hell yeah.