Divorce is one of the most traumatic things to happen to most people during their lives — excepting reality show weddings where a subsequent split is a matter of course, as most of us don’t rake in millions for an ill-considered coupling — but the keys to a happy marriage are often learned by those who have loved and lost and loved again.
If you’ve ever been in a marriage that imploded, it sometimes feels like you’re not cut out for a “real” relationship, are fundamentally broken, or maybe even that you can never really love again.
But these conceptions can fade away with time, and a study of divorced people shows that the right mindset has revealed that divorced people can and do go on to happy relationships — and their experience sheds light on healthy relationships even for currently married or not-yet married folks.
Dr. Terri Orbuch has been studying couples in research that began way back in 1986. According to the relationships expert, money unsurprisingly is the number one cause of conflict in relationships, and that many people leave a relationship older, wiser and more conservative when it comes to mixing money:
“Many divorced singles say that money was the number one source of conflict in the early years of marriage… 6 out of 10 said they would not share living expenses in their next relationship.”
But while money may be the root of all relationship evil, it’s not what most divorced people say they’d do differently their next go at it. Orbuch says that communication is the biggest lesson most divorced people learn from a failed marriage:
“Forty-one percent of divorced people say they would change their communication style,” says Orbuch,”and, 91% of happily married couples say they know their partner intimately.”
The longer list of keys to a successful relationship can be read over at Yahoo! Shine.