YouPorn Offers Adult Theater Fan Fred Willard A Free Computer
Fred Willard was arrested this week after allegedly exposing himself in an X-rated theater and now adult pornography website YouPorn has come up with a solution to avoid the same mistake twice.
The popular adult destination has offered to give Willard a free computer, you know for MS Office use and what not.
The adult website sent the 72-year-old actor a letter over the weekend in which it offers to buy him a new computer so he can watch his porn in peace.
In the letter the team at YouPorn writes:
“We wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home.”
YouPorn has even promised to have one of its own computer techs come to Willard’s house and handle the installation, ensure a smooth transition from sleazy adult theater to at-home private viewing.
In the meantime we would love to know why Fred Willard was engaging in a 1970s type adult viewing experience.
Here’s the full letter the team at YouPorn sent to Willard with their computer offer attached:
We are so very sorry to hear about your recent run in with the law at the Tiki Theatre, and getting caught with “your pants down”. We can imagine that all of this press has probably been quite embarrassing for you.
We are very impressed that at your age you still have such a strong, and healthy libido Fred! That’s why we wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home!
First there is our website, youporn.com which is found on a place called the “internet”. Some people say that former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore invented it, (but that’s a whole different discussion). The website can be accessed through a machine called a “computer” and it’s connected these days via a cable modem that’s provided by your local cable company. The computer has a television monitor attached to it so you may view any adult related material in the privacy of your own home! Also, a side benefit of owning a computer is that you can actually communicate with other people, but many of our members don’t choose to do that.
Our website is 100% free and features thousands of video clips of people having sex. Every niche you can imagine is featured,on youporn.com. We’d like to buy you a home computer and have one of our youporn.com representatives come to your home to install it for you now that you may have some downtime.
We’d also love for you to join the millions of fans who “come” on our site daily, and possibly become our new spokesperson.
All innuendo aside, If YouPorn is willing to come to my house and install a new computer I wouldn’t turn them down.
In the meantime Fred Willard will undergo counseling in place of a “lewd act” charge so perhaps a computer in the comfort of his own home wouldn’t be a bad way to ensure he doesn’t get caught and arrested for a second time.