Following a panicked tweet at 3am, Perez Hilton has posted a statement regarding the “attack” he described, allegedly at the hands of Will.I.Am’s bodyguards.

Calling Will.I.Am a “coward” and a “disgusting human being,” Perez does his best Chris Crocker impression and unleashes his righteous outrage. Speaking under his real name, Mario Lavandeira, Perez describes the incident that came to everyone’s attention via Twitter around 3AM EST. Perez originally tweeted:

I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

The drama started at the MuchMusic Awards, with some minor confrontations between Fergie and Perez over, not surprisingly, comments Perez made on his blog. The brouhaha spilled out to an after party and lead to the alleged assault at the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel in Toronto.

Perez’s angry statement, branding Will.I.Am a “thug,” reminds us all that he will not be silent! Then Perez Mario tells of calling the rapper “a f*ggot,” leading up to the eye-punching and the blood and the tweeting. He wraps up with some real tears and a sobby thank you to everyone who undoubtedly clogged up Toronto emergency response lines, reminding Will.I.Am that God is shaming him! Shaming him! And he reiterates that Fergie is “fugly.”

Not to be outdone, Will.I.Am hastily put up a Twitter account and video response. The shaming goes both ways, as Will.I.Am shames Perez, too:

“Shame on you, shame on your behavior, and that’s just messed up.”

He charmingly concludes with “how you stop that?”

UPDATE: There’s now a video of Perez Hilton being assaulted. Watch the Perez Hilton Assault Video Here!