Tila Tequila, ex-adult film star turned reality television celebrity, has released another one of her now famous rants, and, as is usual for her, this one is as wild and farfetched as one might expect. The latest manifesto from Ms. Tequila seeks to inform her Twitter followers that we have all been duped and the Earth really is flat. Before you dismiss her too quickly, bear in mind that the former Celebrity Big Brother star says she has proof.
Tila Tequila says she can prove the Earth is not round
Whenever I start to feel anxiety from all the party crowds, I just go home to my happy baby, and she melts away all of my anxiety or stresses I may have. She truly is a #MagicalWishingBaby I thank God for her everyday, and pray that God keeps all of the bad people out of our lives because my baby deserves only the best! And so far God has made sure to honor my prayers. #IsabellaMonroeNguyen #Family
Yesterday was the day that the whole bitter truth was revealed on Twitter, but a ray of sunshine was also delivered. As Tila’s followers were the first to learn, all hope is not lost. Ms. Tequila isn’t just the messenger of this sad story. She’s also the heroine! After informing us that our planet is not round, as science has led us to believe, the former Celebrity Big Brother reality star also revealed that she has been made immortal to help save us from certain doom.
Ms. Tequila started her rant with observations meant to prove that we do not in fact live on a round planet.
“It’s 2016 & nobodys been able 2 prove 2 me that the earth is round. Where is the curvature in the horizon?” she tweeted.
After some of her followers tried to convince her that she was wrong, Tila supplied another one of her seemingly infallible observations.
“If the earth was a spinning globe then how come airplanes can still land w/out crashing?”
While this is already enough to make one wary of Tila Tequila and cause most people to suspect that the reality star’s state of mind isn’t what it ought to be, there’s still more yet to come. Tila also revealed amid her stream of Twitter rants that she actually died in 2012 and that she has been returned to educate and save us all.
in 2012 after I died I was replaced with a clone aka me now and was microchip and was activated after the fallout of 2013 and 2015.
— Tila Tequila (@AngelTilaLove) January 7, 2016
Tila Tequila isn’t alone and The Flat Earth Conspiracy proves it
As a group, people will believe anything. All it takes is for a small handful to nod their heads in agreement, and before we know it, those few have become hundreds and those hundreds, thousands. As proof, look at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or the Flat Earth Conspiracy supporters.
In other words, Tila Tequila isn’t the only one running around shouting “the sky is falling'” to anyone that will listen. She’s just the most noticeable, because she has the celebrity status and high number of followers to attract the most attention.
Regardless, there are others, like those responsible for producing the video Ms. Tequila shared with her followers as proof of Earth’s flat nature.
Thankfully, we will always have Tila to pull our collective fat out of the fire.
“Because I became an IMMORTAL ‘the others’ realized they needed me because I am a huge f—-ing asset to save humanity and flat earth!”
The others? One can’t help but wonder what Super Tila means, unless she was simply referring to the other immortals, which, of course, would make sense. Flat planets and immortal beings aside, perhaps it’s time for Ms. Tequila to put away the Marvel Comics film adaptations and go for a walk in the real world.
For those that might be thinking Tila Tequila might be making sense with her flat Earth theory, astronomer Phil Plait pointed out in 1997 that human beings are tiny in comparison to the mass of planet Earth. We’re so small in comparison to our planet that anything we see would be too minutely curved for us to observe the curve at all. In fact, Earth is nearly 8,000 miles across with a circumference of 24,901 miles, making it easy to mistake a ball for a square.
[Featured image by Ian Gavan/Getty Images]