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Groupon Gets Into Baby Naming Business

Want to waste $1000? Groupon, the “World’s Foremost Authority in Baby Naming,” has unveiled its greatest deal yet. For just $1000 the company will name your baby “Clembough.”

Well, now that you know the name, why would you spend $1000 to use it? According to Groupon, people will just know that your baby is not an authentic “Clembough.”

The company writes:

“Any attempt to name your child “Clembough” independent of this exclusive Groupon will be recognized by the world as a cheap imitation. If you fail to contact Groupon on or before the expiration date to have your progeny anointed Clembough, we will reject you and refund every penny of the purchase price.”

Ok? So why is it worth $1000? The company says that by handing over the baby naming rights, parents will be able to focus on things like food, shelter, and clothing. Also, when the child grows up and inevitably asks “why the hell did you name me Clembough?” You can tell them that it wasn’t your fault and that they should take their complaint to the almost-definitely-out-of-business Groupon.

“All too often, the importance of a child’s name takes a backseat to other “needs” such as food, shelter, and clothing. Groupon, the World’s Foremost Authority in Baby Naming™, has stepped up to address this issue. Upon your child’s birth, Groupon will relieve you of the burden of naming your baby by bestowing a specially selected, custom first name upon your infant son or daughter. Purchasers will e-mail Groupon with their voucher number, and we will e-mail you back with a name for your child based on the name’s aesthetic value and for how it might look emblazoned on a trophy one day—for a child named by Groupon will grow tall and proud, and he or she will be a beacon of hope in a world that is in such desperate need of one. Don’t settle for non-Groupon-approved names such as Kevin or Bridget—let us gift your sweet child with a moniker for the ages.”

Surprisingly, six people have already purchased this deal. The clock is ticking so if you want to name your kid Clembough, and you want to pay $1000 for the right to do so, you better hurry.

Now truly, I don’t understand this at all. Anyone, please explain it to me. Is it a PR stunt? Did Groupon copyright the name Clembough? Is this some sort of Father’s Day Gift idea?

A spokesman for Groupon said:

“This is the most serious deal that Groupon has ever seriously run in its serious history.”

Three seriouses? Six purchases? Is Clembough going to be 2012’s most popular baby name?

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