David Cameron Ridiculed By The Military And Branded ‘Incompetent’ By The White House In Another Damning Day For Dave

Poor David Cameron. The Britain’s head honcho is not having the best of weeks. On Monday, Dave gets accused of thrusting his private part somewhat savagely into the mute mouth of a slaughtered pig in a bizarre initiation rite, and then on Tuesday it’s revealed that the White House view the British Prime Minister as somewhat “incompetent.”

At least that is according to Cameron’s old best buddy and former Tory donor Michael Ashcroft, who has spilt the beans in the most unpleasant way in his damming and unofficial biography of Cameron, snappily entitled, Call Me Dave.

Co-authored by the award-winning political journalist Isabel Oakeshott, and gleefully serialized by a triumphant Daily Mail, the incident of Cameron and the hog’s head has already been labelled as nonsense by sources within the Conservative party, and Downing Street has formally inclined to “dignify” such scandalous allegations with a statement.

Yet the ink on the “pig-gate” scandal had barely dried, and Twitter had yet to stop tweeting porky pig jokes before The Mail reported on a fresh new round of damming Ashcroft allegations concerning Cameron.

Ashcroft claims that senior military figures accused Cameron of “doing an Iraq” in Libya and rank incompetence over Syria.

General Sir David Richards apparently had to give an over enthusiastic David Cameron a dressing down, informing the Prime Minister that “being in the Combined Cadet Force” at Eton did not qualify him to decide the tactics of complex military operations.

And former defense minister Nicholas Soames is also quoted as snarling that the Royal Navy has been “stripped down to nothing” under Cameron’s watch.

Cameron’s decision to ask MPs to vote for military action in Syria, has also been savaged by the White House according to Ashcroft’s book. Senior sources explained that the White House considered they had been “****ed over” on both Libya and Syria. Ashcroft then goes on to quote an Obama administration insider, who is especially damming about Dave.

“It was one of those astonishing displays of incompetence that sort of leaves you wondering about how, you know, have we all got this far?”

It’s fair to say that Ashcroft has done something of a hatchet job on Dave, and on day two of the book’s serialization, the character assassination is taken to another level, which suggests that hell hath no fury like a Tory donor scorned, especially one who has donated many millions to the party for scant return.

Call Me Dave claims that the Camerons are leading lights in the Chipping Norton set, dubbed the “Chipping Snorton” set because of the high amount of Class A drugs that circulate at their exclusive parities.

The Mail has also produced an elusive picture of Cameron on horseback during a fox hunt and claims that, during one of the Chipping Norton set’s cocaine-fueled get-togethers in the Cotswolds, Cameron quipped to a working class newsman, “You’re not one of us, are you?”

And neither would it appear is Lord Ashcroft anymore. It’s claimed that Ashcroft fell out with Cameron after Dave failed to follow through on securing him a significant job after the 2010 election.

But no-one could have predicted the sheer malice involved in Ashcroft’s hatchet job. If all the content of Call Me Dave is true, it hardly paints any of the two torrid Tories in a favourable light. One is seemingly an over-privileged idiot, and the other, a power-hungry back-stabber.

As pop singer Morrissey pointed out, if Ashcroft’s allegations are true, then shouldn’t Cameron do the noble thing and fall on his own sword?

“Where have we seen other people in power misusing and sexually abusing corpses? This conduct is not excusable just because the perpetrator is prejudiced against and sneers at the other individual’s identity. A prime minister is supposed to protect the most vulnerable.”

“If the allegations made by Lord Ashcroft are true, that Mr Cameron performed a sexual act on a dead pig while at Oxford University, then it shows a callousness and complete lack of empathy entirely unbefitting a man in his position, and he should resign.”

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