According to the periodical, witnesses said that the 32 year-old father was walking down the street Thursday with his son (who was wearing nothing but his birthday suit) and his 4 year-old daughter, and demanded that his 6 year-old bite his penis. The boy refused (for reasons that I hope are obvious) and the man attacked him. Passing-good-samaritans were horrified, and subdued the man, ultimately forcing him to spit out his son’s lost appendage.
The boy’s sister has gone into the care of relatives, and the boy’s reattachment surgery was successful, though it’s a little too soon to tell whether or not he’ll have full use of it in the future. Police are saying that the father is most likely plagued by mental illness (read: Captain Obvious) and has been seen recently pantomiming strangling his son on their balcony, and gambling like crazy after apparently losing a lot of money in a botched business venture.
In other horrifying penis-related news of recent months, 53 year-old Arun Sandhukha was found last year, dead, in a hospital in India. Family had come to visit him and found him in a pool of his own blood. The cause of death? Rats bit off his penis. Yup. Rats.
“No nurse was found at the scene and he was writhing in pain. His penis had been nibbled by rats,” a relative said.
What else is there to say?
How do you feel about this? Also, who’s been keeping track of how many times I’ve used the word “penis” in this article?