I had been hoping that the Verne Troyer sex tape would just disappear (oh, shivers, that pointy tongue darting all around), but I guess I’ll have to wish for that a little harder. Ranae Shrider, Verne’s partner in the vid and ex-girlfriend, has been taking her story to sensational new heights. Lucky us, right?

Shrider spoke to News of the World that Verne’s personality “captivated” her, and that “his size didn’t seem to matter.” How sweet. It’s just too bad that she didn’t stop there (gag). . .

Anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!

It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.

“Crawl up my legs”? I’m not sure if that’s the best use of words, especially when describing someone who has managed to give you lots of extra exposure (in more ways than one).