Onion Writer places joke up for Auction on eBay. No, Seriously
From a writer for America’s Finest news source comes America’s finest auction: one genuine joke:
My name is John Harris, and I am a staff writer at The Onion, America’s Finest News Source. I am selling a joke that I can’t find a contextual home for. To be fair, it’s less of a joke and more of a dated, Capote-esque cocktail party bon mot, but decidedly more feeble. The best one can reasonably expect from this item is a self-satisfied chuckle, such as can be observed issuing from someone wearing a turtleneck while reading the Harper’s Index. If that didn’t make you barf, please continue reading.
The item in question will be clearly hand-printed on a 3×5 index card and mailed to the winning bidder upon receipt of payment. It has never been used, and the buyer assumes all responsibility for any consequences that might stem from sharing this joke, including the dissolution of friendships and romantic relationships due to loss of respect. The bidding will start at $0.57 so I can at least recoup the cost of the stamp and the eBay listing charge.
Please keep in mind that, due to the nature of this item as well that whole aphorism about accounting for taste, this is very much a caveat emptor-type transaction. In other words, no refunds.
Bidding at the time of writing has passed the $100 mark. You can follow the auction here.