13 Dumbest Patients As Revealed By Doctors Of Reddit: You’ll Die From Laughter

The dumbest patients, as revealed by the doctors of Reddit, will have you crippled from laughter.

While Reddit is anonymous and you can’t always be sure that what you’re getting is a real deal doc, we’ve known enough people in the world who would completely say and do things this facepalm-y.

The thread was started by Reddit user I_Am_Solipsism nine days ago, and has grown to more than 200 of the most hilarious comments to ever come out of the medical community. Here are some of our favorites, with a word of warning: some of these refer to body parts, birth control and sex. If you can’t read over those like a mature human being, then you’re probably one of the people who said it.

1. Have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to include covering of the testicles.

2. A woman came in for a well baby check with her 6 month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby’s bottle. So the doctor started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk at which point she interupts him and says, “Oh that isn’t chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He just loves it!”

3. I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter “because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it throughly after every use.”

4. I work as a pharmacologist and one of the patients we had at my company was complaining the cat allergy medicine we gave her wasn’t working (formulated in an inhaler). Turns out she was spraying the inhaler on her cat… We have to explain to her that she needs to inhale it.

5. I’ve told more than one parent that their infant should not be drinking Dr. Pepper out of their bottle (or any other vessel for that matter).

6…. a few weeks ago a patient’s family member got into a verbal altercation with me over the fact that I was trying to “freeze his mother to death.” He kept pointing to the digital thermostat displaying a temperature of 23 degrees Celsius (we’re in the U.S., btw). When I gently explained to him that 23 C is not at all cold, he just kept pointing to the display and shouting, “You don’t think 23 degrees is cold?! It’s 23 [expletive] DEGREES IN HERE!” and acting insane. After multiple attempts to explain to him what Celsius is by myself, the charge nurse, house supervisor, and security, we finally gave up and had him escorted out.

7. I once had a 20-year-old patient who didn’t know that having sex would lead to pregnancy.

8. Had a lady who measured her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.

9. Had to explain to a 27-year-old female that this bleeding she was having for a week every month was normal and why. She had two children.

10. Lady has to have foot amputated and is given waiver forms to sign pre-op. Buddy asks if she needs time to think about it. She’s very nonchalant and doesn’t seem to care much what they do. He gets suspicious and probes a bit as to why she’s not more concerned. She says she gets that they have to operate and it’s OK because the foot will grow back.

11. Patient comes in, she’s upset. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t understand why. She’s on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I find out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active — no other time.

12. Patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant, as if somehow I could’ve prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl’s stomach, so, being a gallant bf, he decided to start taking them instead.

13. Had a young woman pick up her nuvaring (a ring inserted vaginally for birth control). She came back in a month to pick up a new one, and was wearing the nuvaring around her wrist as a bracelet.

So of these dumbest patients, any surprises? Any doctors or medical professionals out there care to weigh in?

[Image via ShutterStock]